Friday, September 28, 2007

I've always liked a challenge...

I've been challenged by professors before. You know, those science classes where it's a multiple choice question about the creation of the world and you're forced to answer either "D. over millions of years" instead of "A. by a divine being" because you know you've failed the rest of the test so you have to give him the answer he wants. (but maybe you just put a few...or 20...arrows to the actual answer) :) If your a Christian at a secular school chances are pretty good you've encountered that, but never this.

I can't say I'm I've kinda been waiting to encounter it but still.

Having a professor ask me to write an essay telling him that God is evil is not something I'm gonna do. The essay was based on 1 Samuel 16:14 where God takes his anointing off of Saul and "an evil spirit from the Lord tormented him". The essay was something along the lines of, "If Satan does not exist yet, what does this tell us about the character of God?" I didn't know how to respond, most of us in that class had no idea. but we all just had to shoot up a prayer for some much needed wisdom, take a deep breath, and write.

I guess this is what you get when you take Bible as Literature from an atheist.

funny thing is when he gave us this question...I was terrified. I had no words. It looked like he had this smirk the whole time too, like "haha. I've got them stumped." but I couldn't help but laugh a little. All of me was thinking, "You may ask me questions that give me more questions, but there's no way you're shaking my faith." I mean, I'm more than ok with asking God questions. I may not have all the answers for this man, but God does and if I don't understand everything while I'm on this earth...I'm still gonna believe with all my heart.

Look out. I'm gonna learn a lot this semester. :)

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Never underestimate my Jesus...

this week has been the most stressful week (not even including all the other commitments outside of school) i have ever been through. everyday a new paper, everyday a new exam. everyday. every class.

i have never been so tired.

Monday i was already exhausted. i found myself walking to my night class where i had a speech due. i found myself almost in tears not knowing how i would get through not only that day but that week. i was praying and begging my brain to remember a verse of encouragement. and sure enough, God is so so good and Psalm 46:10 came to mind, "Be still and know that I am God." It was so comforting to just be reminded that God is God. no amount of exams or papers or speeches (as silly as it sounds) will change that. If his plans for me are that i graduate then i'm gonna graduate. as long as i stay in His will there's no need to freak out. it was more comforting and peaceful than anything i could have asked for...He got me through the week. amazing how just a few words can give you so much.

maybe one day i'll get around to writing all the other things that happened this week too...

Sunday, June 24, 2007

In expectation...

I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within
I lay it all down for the sake of you my King
I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life

And I surrender all to you

As i sang these words on one of my first days of camp i remember my heart earnestly desiring to give up everything to God: my dreams, my worries, my fears, my uncertanties. I remember praying that God would take these things from me, but i wondered, what is surrender?

sur·ren·der- verb - to yield (something) to the possession or power of another; deliver up possession of

I have prayed that prayer so many times. so many times i have begged God to take it all from me, but that's not what He was asking from me. He was asking me to surrender to Him. to give up. in battle, it is not considered surrender when one army is taken over by the other, it's surrender when one army says they have nothing left, that they can fight no longer because they will surely fail so they give up. they place themselves in the hands of the other. willingly.

It's Him demanding my trust.

I'm waiting expectantly for a summer full of opportunities to surreneder. opportunities that I won't let pass by.

Saturday, June 2, 2007

And that is the power of love...

2 Timothy 3:1-5
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them.

this verse was pointed out to me a few days ago. i read this knowing this is how our world lives now, knowing this is how i live. i wanted to cry. it seemed overwhelming, like a problem that was just too large for me or anyone to handle. what could be the answer?


1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

love is just the opposite of all those things. not to quote the Beatles but all we need is love. God gave us the tool we need to overcome these things. love.

People have been excited about Love for a while now. i guess you could say it's been our theme for the past year at school and while i've always agreed that it was a great thing and a very important thing it wasnt until i read this that i have finally realized how necessary and important love truly is.

God's love is powerful. for that i am thankful.

Monday, April 16, 2007


(August 26, 1920 – April 15, 2007)

Brant J. Parker, award winning cartoonist of the syndicated comic strip The Wizard of Id, died Sunday, April 15th in Lynchburg, VA. He was 86. He died as a result of complications of Alzheimer’s disease and a stroke he suffered in October, 2006. He is survived by his beloved wife of sixty years, Mary Lou, and his children, James Parker, Julie Shackleton, Laurie Tannenbaum, Kathie Borkowski and Jeff Parker and his brother John Parker. He is also survived by thirteen grandchildren and fourteen great-grandchildren. He served in the U.S. Navy during World War II and the Korean War. He worked for Disney Studios animating Donald Duck before moving to New York where he met Johnny Hart, the creator of the comic strip, BC. Together their creativity sparked The Wizard of Id which has run since 1965. The strip continues today, in his name, by son Jeff and his wife Nicola Parker. Brant loved his work and had a passion for sharing his talent with people of all ages and would regularly visit his children’s and grandchildren’s classrooms and teach cartooning to aspiring artists of all ages.

Monday, April 9, 2007

choosing to trust...

Every time I think I finally have things figured out they come crashing down again.

But maybe that’s the problem.

Even when I am searching out God’s plan for my life I tend to think I have I figured out and take it into my own hands again.

Why is it so hard to give it up? I mean…normally if someone were to volunteer to take care of everything for me and all I had to worry about was following that person I would have no problems. God’s doing just that: volunteering to take care of everything, to relieve me of all my worries, and he promises he won’t mess up and accidentally screw me over. I won’t wake up one morning and find myself in the sewer and hear God say “oops, I took a wrong turn”. Why as humans are we so intent on always having control? It just seems to me it would be easier and less stressful for us if we just gave it up.

The only reason I can think of why it is so hard (for me at least) to give up and trust my life completely to God is because of fear of being hurt, being let down. I can only imagine that others feel the same way. It's sad. As humans we have hurt each other and destroyed each others trust so much that we can't even trust our King, Lord, Savior, and the one who loves us unconditionally.

I’m gonna try really hard.

I’ve heard them a million times but sometimes you just need a reminder of the truth:
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Proverbs 19:21

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

Saturday, April 7, 2007

And so it begins...

what better way to start off a blog than explain the name of mine?

ok maybe i can think of a few ways that would be better but you are just going to have to accept this.

Beggar's Heart is a new song by Bethany Dillon (that's right i decided to the typical blog route and steal some song lyrics). the song is all about brokeness. something we
all go through, but more so it's about how God changes us through it. it may sound sad but i think the lyrics are so real:

When you build it feels like you tear me apart. When you heal it always leaves a scar, and even when you fill you leave me with a beggar's heart.

God loves me enough to never let me stay where i am at but whenever he asks me to change it ussually is painful in some way, only because i am human and i like to cling to what i know now rather than embrace the greatness that he has for me ahead (and he has not dissapointed yet). when he builds me up it feels like he's tearing me the time. later i can always look back and praise God for that time. i look back on times in the past and i am so grateful for them.

hence the scar that is left. i am always healed but i always remember those times. i bet you can look back at scars you got when you were little and you can still tell the story of how you got them. i think it's the same way for when God changes me. the scar that is left is the stories and experiences i can now share and that God so often uses for his glory. hallelujah.

and everytime he fill's me...i want more. i can never have enough of what he so willingly gives me. my heart begs for more.

i hope i always am left with a beggar's heart.